Where are we now?
by Miss.UnDeadmau5
Summary: My version of what happens before the epligue, rated M for safety ; Disclaimer:I sadly do not own the hunger games, suzanne collins does
1. Chapter 1

**Random story idea i had, takes place in time between when Katniss got sent to 12 and before the epligue.**

**cant promise reglar updates but I'll try.**

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_Those who are dead are not dead_

_They're just living my head,_

_And since I fell for that spell_

_l I am living there as well, ohhhhhh_

~ 42 Coldplay

_...She makes us breakfast and I feed all my bacon to buttercup._

"So are you going hunting anytime soon, get me some fresh game?" Sae questions me, but I zone out, I don't want to go to the woods again...not after going the other day, I cant stand the loneliness. Without Gale or my father the woods are dark and frightening. I have no one to go there for as well, now that Prim is gone...

Sae fortunately leaves me alone and after she does the dishes she leaves, telling me that she'll be back again tonight. After she leaves I shuffle back to the couch and question myslef '_whats the point of living' _and I cant find one, but like every other thought I have like this I slowly fall into a dark abyss of sleep.

I dream of being in the meadow. Everyone I care about, everyone _I _killed is their. They chant my name to jump into a pit of fire thats sits in the middle of the meadow. I see Prim in the crowd of the angry dead and scream her name, she only glares back at me with eyes alive with hatred she blames me, blames me for killing her...for killing everyone I ever cared about...

I jerk awake before I had time in the dream to jump. I'm a mess, Crying and my throats sore, probably from screaming. I only wish Peeta was here...I wish the boy with the bread was here to scare off my nightmares. But the world is not a wish granting factory, so I sit alone and when the sun starts to go down I go upstairs to have a shower and get dressed.

When Sae arrives I pretend nothing happened. I eat her food, she cleans the dishes, I sleep (if you can call it that), I wake up and Sae comes to cook again, she cleans, she leaves, I sleep. She comes again.

I continue with this depressing schedual of a life. What a miserable human being I've become I think, Prim should've lived, I would trade my life for her. I dream of her day and night, I see reminders of everything she left behind in the house. Buttercup, her clarinett on a coffee table, a drawing on the wall.

My dreams only get worse, my nightmares making me scream loud enough to have a drunk Haymitch come wake me up one day. He must have been sleeping because he looks like a mess, but who am I to question what he looks like. I must look like a bigger mess then him.

"Sweetheart, just go talk to the boy you look miserable ya need someone to talk to" Haymitch grumbles sitting on a plush chair opposite of me.

"I-I can't Haymitch he wouldn't understand, he doesn't understand what I'm going through. Him seeing me will only make his condition worse" I say looking at the floor miserable. Talking to Haymitch

ch I realize how much of a hermit I have become, barely talking to Sea, having only Buttercup, Sae and occasionally her granddaughter as company.

Haymitch suddenly leans forward looking me in the eye when he says, "Listen girl, you aren't the only one suffering right now. Peeta lost his whole family, and he was tortured to forget-" He jabs a finger at me, "You, the people he cared about are all dead to him. He bakes for people now arriving in twelve, he'll get his bakery back soon with the repairs going on in town. But how do you think he'll feel when he's the only one working in it. No more family for him. He has even less company then you."

I feel the burn of tears in my eyes, of course I've been selfish, mopping around all these days forgetting Peeta's worries. But its not like I could just walk up to his door and say hello.

Haymitch gets up and stomps out, before he closes the door though, he looks back at me with pity. I turn away and face a window looking up into some trees and stare until sleep overcomes me again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Just to let you guys know, I'm going to switch POV's every once in a while between Katniss/Peeta dont allways expect it though im a crazy person. :P so here ya go, chapter 2, Peeta POV**

___All around me are familiar faces_

___Worn out places,_

___worn out faces_

___Bright and early for the daily races_

___Going nowhere,going nowhere_

___Their tears are filling up their glasses_

___No expression, no expression_

___Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow_

___No tomorrow, no tomorrow_

___And I find it kind of funny,_

___I find it kind of sad_

___The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had___

___I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take_

___When people run in circles its a very, very_

___Mad world, mad world_

_~ Mad World Gary Jules_

I wake up, cold. Chilled to the bone by nightmares that never seem to make me yell, but keep me paralyzed and traped until something wakes me. Nightmares of being chased by mutts that I can't even name. Cato and Katniss teamed up comming to kill me in the first hunger games. Snow forcing me to kill Katniss, and memories of the 'hijacking'. The nightmare usually ends when I die, ((A/N I dont remeber the doctors name)) said that its unusual for a person to have dreams as vivid and scary as I do. He says its odd the way I can recount the deatails so well. Other doctors say its the artist in me, but Johanna made a point one day when she said she had nightmares as dreadful as mine. Nightmares are a side effect of being a victor.

I get up and put on my prosthetic, the doctors in the capitol recently changed it, now the fake knee bends better so I can get around much easier and walk normally, so if I had long pants on no one could tell I had a fake leg. But another side effect of being a damned victor, no secrets remain unheard.

I go to the kitchen and start making the raison/cinnamon bread first since it takes longer and start the dough for normal grain bread. Thats what I do now, bake for the new arrivles in twelve, I dont get paid, wont ever have to in the new govrnement you can live wherever you want and victors or other people deeply affectecd by the war were given lots of money.

But still I bake, deliver and paint. Greasy Sae often brings me leftover food from her place where a couple are allways staying waiting for their house to be built/rebuilt. She also brings me knews of the new developments in town, but I dont really care. I just wait for the bakery to be finished and then I'll have something else to do.

I also paint. I bring my nightmares to life on a blank canvas and then hide it under thick clothe in a room in the basement. Sae wanted to see them one day, so I let her go and look but didnt go down stairs with her. Downstairs is where the monster sleeps, i didnt want to awaken it and get a flashback which were usually controlled with medication. But medicine cant cure everything, it cant cure _me._ When Sae came back upstairs she looked very pale, and left in a somewhat hurry. Later that day I got a call from the shrink asking me about the paintings. But he soon realized that painting the monster I am, the awful visions I have are a temporary treatment.

After I finish making a few loaves of bread I run around town delivering them while the were still warm. Thats how people like them, at least they can enjoy something in their lives.

I haven't seen Katniss since I planted the primroses, but I owed that to her. I owed it to Prim since I stood there and did nothing...

_Im in the city circle in front of the presidents house, I can see the poor frightened capitol children caged in front of Snows mansion, the coward. I feel as though Im loosing it. NO! Not in front of all these people they'll know its me right away. But before I can run and hide I see hovercrafts in the sky, dropping parachutes? _

"_No..." I say as the caged children lift their blue frozen arms to catch them. "NO!" I shout, its a trap, a trap, a trap..._

_BOOM! The parachutes explode and children start wailing, many dead, many injured. But im still fighting the crowd trying to get their, I see some one start to climb a flag pole to see whats going on. Katniss. But then medics arrive and one stands out amongst the taller ones. One girl with a blond ponytail and her shirt poking out the back. The person who helped me try and remeber Katniss as brave and to help me rember that we loved each other. The one person who came up with an attack against my hijacked brain to see Katniss as a real person, not a mutt not my enemy..._

_Prim._

"_NO! PRIM STOP-!" but its to late. Then there is pain._

I wake up from the flashback gripping the kitchen counter breathing heavy. It wasnt even a bad flashback, not one of Katniss as a mutt. But im still shaken. I hurry upstairs and for the rest of the afternoon I paint, I paint Prim as she sits in the meadow with dandelions sprouting from her fists. A nice painting. When I'm finished I feel hollow inside and go visit Haymitch.

"Peeta..." Haymitch slures as I walk in door. He's drunk, very which means he's in a bad mood. "Just the person I needed to see" He says laughing.

"And why is that Haymitch?" I say allreay pissed off my the fact hes drunk.

"I saw your girl earlier today" I stiffen when he says 'your girl' obviously implying Katniss.

"Oh, really?" I say, a bit curious but mostly to humor Haymitches drunk self.

"Yup, suprised you didn't hear her screaming and crying, we're all a little messed up arent we?" He says then bursts out laughing. I feel bad for Katniss, that her sister died, but even though I want to hear more about what Katniss has been up to, I cant stand Haymitch right now so I get up and leave.

I stay up all night twisting and turning thinking about Katniss. I decide I should do something, and decide to join Sea the next morning for breakfast. I make cheese buns and a delicacy I havent made in years from the bakery, a special cheese/jam filling encased in a pie dough. They used to be very expensive to buy and make, but now i get whatever ingredients I want, and because the dish is something special I think it would be nice for Sae, her granddaughter and Katniss.

I call Sae saying I'll join her at Katniss's place, I feel bad for waking her up early in the morning, dawn is just starting to break through it must be around 4 or 5am. I watch the sunset and remeber the exact hues of the bright and pastel pinks, oranges and purples.


End file.
